Broilers move out to the pasture–Brit Mom calls kids her biggest regret?

Here’s Mol helping put the broilers in crates so that they could be transported safely to pasture, where they are currently enjoying what Joel Salatin would call the “salad bar” of the farm, free ranging (for real) on green grass.
I don’t usually like to post pictures of their faces, but this one was too classic to pass up. Like that now infamous British mom, whose article candidly described life with unwanted kids, I’m not much of a kid person. Or a baby person. But I love to watch my kids really enjoying something and learning.

I read that article with mixed feelings. One, as I mentioned before, I totally understood where she was coming from. I never really wanted kids, I just wanted a pet but we weren’t allowed one where we lived, and BC was making me sick, and I have studied abortion for years and would rather shoot myself than have one. Soooo, it was a set up for having kids, and we did, and we are! And guess what–that poor British lady needs counseling and lots of it! Even if you love reading a good book and having lots of quiet time and “being spontaneous”, when you have kids, and find those things harder, you Get Over It. Or, you take more breaks.

And you grow up. You learn to find solace in doing things that are normally gross, like splitting a dead worm in half so each of your kids can feed some to the chickens, or getting dirt out from between someone else’s toes, or cleaning food off the table. You find pleasure in little things; relief that no one is throwing up anymore and you can sleep, joy that they are napping and the house is so restful and you can finally read, excitement to show them something that interests you. You Grow Up, in the only good way that there is–I’m not saying that you act more “grown up” as a parent, but that you learn to be giving and sacrifice and get over all that silly teenagery desire to be seen a certain way by the public in general. At least, this is what can happen. You can also make yourself miserable by spending the rest of your life regretting that you had kids because, really and truly, all your self-absorbed fun is over now forever.

I found it telling that that woman complained of how much happier she would have been without kids, and how much happier and more enjoyable her marriage would have been without them–all just hypothetical scenarios though. How does she know? Maybe her husband would have had an affair with a woman who wanted kids? Maybe they would have gotten bored of each other and drifted apart without a common purpose to pursue. She simply imagines what she doesn’t know. I know myself that those kind of thoughts are useless and harmful. Letting them carry on to such a point that your whole life revolves around what could have been means that you will lose the joy you have here and now. And instead of letting a new and frustrating situation mold you into a kinder, more patient, more joyful person, you end up in your 50’s writing to the world about how you still regret your kids.

There is also a cultural undertone to the article that is very telling of the society that this woman is part of. She was raised to understand, or taught at some point, that personal pleasure and satisfaction are what one must strive for, are at the least important goals in life. No one pointed out Christ and said, ‘hey, if you strive to love Him and be like Him, pleasure and satisfaction come no matter the circumstances”. It is a totally secular society that accepts that motherhood is your biggest regret because it kept you from having more fun and peace and quiet. The idea would be to have kids if you just can’t get enough of kids and babies and diapers and spit up–but if you aren’t really a kid person, don’t have them because it ‘wont be fun’. Well it wont all be fun, that’s true. But it also might make you a better person, if you are willing to get over yourself a little.

Rant over 🙂


4 thoughts on “Broilers move out to the pasture–Brit Mom calls kids her biggest regret?

  1. Very well written. It was an interesting article. I did agree with the thought that she couldn’t understand women who want children so badly and then go back to work as quickly as they can once the child is born. That has always baffled me. I would have had a nervous break down if I had had to leave my child in someone else’s care. There is a disconnect there just like the disconnect between her love for her children and her regret at having them. Is she describing love or duty? I do applaud her commitment but I wonder if those kids could feel something missing in it all. If my husband said to me, I love you so much I would die for you but, dang, you take up way to much of my time, I’m not sure I would believe he loved me. I wonder how children, as grown up as they are, will feel when they read her comments. Really sad.
    I love that second picture. Molly has some beautiful blue eyes!

    • Yeah, I think that there was some confusion between love and duty–carrying out your duty being a good thing, but not as good as doing it out of love. A love which would have surpassed regret at some point.

  2. Thanks for the heart-felt post, Melissa. I don’t think there is a person alive that hasn’t wondered if they or those around them, had taken a different path, what their current life would be like. This is not the first person I’ve heard with such honesty on this subject, nor will it be the last. Thank you for your own honesty. With all due respect, my own mother regretted having children and yearned for a different life. Coming from that perspective, women in the autumn of their lives, may find it easier to play the “blame game” rather than admit to one’s self that their current situation is a matter of choice, and not due to having children. To entering one’s 6th decade of age, and still be crying the “should of-could of” song is a waste of mind-space and energy.

    I love the pics. This experience with nature will add a life long wisdom to each of you. I love seeing the twinkle in the girls eyes!

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